12.26.08

So. It certainly has been a while since I've written, but I hate to leave tracks. Therefore, I've been writing by hand - but now I'm back on the World Wide Web.
Perhaps my egotisitical mind feels, that I've got some real bizarre things to write about - just too good to hide in some little notebook, hidden under some clothes, that are hidden under some boxes, underneath the drawers.
Either way, enough stalling - here's what I have to say:

Forgive me for sounding poetic, but I literally gave you a piece of my heart the other day. I went to my journal, took out a page, and gave it to you to read. I literally opened up my heart to you, and let you.
Do you know what you had to say about it? Nothing.
Not a word.
I actually requested that you write back, and didn't even do that.
As much as you resent your father, and the way he deals with personal emotional matters, you are no different.
I just don't understand how someone can emotionally connect with you. What more could I possibly have done to express to you how I feel. How many times in this last few months, have I said to you - " I need you to recommit to me". Do you know what it's gotten me? Nothing.

The other night when we were on the roof of the Peninsula, celebrating our 6th engagement anniversay - you turned to me, opened your mouth, and then shut it. I actually thought that you were going to recommit right there. I thought that was the moment you were waiting for, to give me what I've been asking for. I don't know if that's what you were going to say when you started to talk, but either way - it didn't happen.

I'm begining to feel that maybe it's not that you don't communicate, but maybe you don't feel. Maybe you have no feelings.